A Wedding Guide for Guys: Part II

Wedding Guide for Guys

(Please remember that all weddings are different and the roles can be changed, so use this information as a reference and adjust accordingly)

Part II:

The Usher

As an usher in a wedding, you are responsible for helping guest to their seats at the ceremony, helping the groom relax, and making sure no incidents disrupt the service or reception. The bride and/or groom asked you to be an usher because you are a prominent figure in their life and mean something to them. It does take time and money to be an usher (although much less than being a bridesmaid) so unless you are totally comfortable accepting this role, meaning putting in some time, effort and money, do not feel obligated to do so. You should want to be part of this day.

Before the wedding day, there are two main things you need to take care of: the bachelor party and a tux. First of all is the bachelor party. Depending on when, where, and how much, make every attempt to be at this event. There are times when you may not be able to attend for various reasons which is completely understandable. That happens all the time; everyone has their own life and responsibilities. If you cannot make it, make sure the groom knows that that even though you really want to be there for him, you have other obligations that cannot be broken, he should understand. And whether or not you can make it, try and help out the best man plan and organize the event if possible or necessary. Whatever it may be, just offer to help in any way possible, whether you are attending or not.

On the actual day of the bachelor party, spoil the groom as much as possible. This is his last day of “freedom” one where he should completely enjoy himself and not worry about what to do next. In most cases, large amounts of alcohol are consumed, so be sure to watch for the groom and make sure he does not do anything he will regret the next day. While it is his last day of “freedom”, he has already made a commitment and should stay true to that. Be there to help him make the right decisions.

The other thing you need to make sure you do before the wedding is to get a tux. You usually need to get fitted at least one month in advance, but the sooner you get it done the better. The day before the wedding is usually when you try on and pick up your tux. When you try it on, make sure everything fits, that the pants are the right length, that the shirt is correct, and that you have the correct vest or cumber bun. I have had so many issues when picking up the tux. One time I had a different style shirt than everyone else, another I had a different bow tie, and yet another time the pants didn’t fit. So many things can be wrong, so make sure you check everything out.

Your last role is on the wedding day. As an usher, you are responsible for seating the female guests at the ceremony. Typically, you seat guest of the bride on the left side and guest of the groom on the right. Depending on the ceremony, you may walk down the aisle with a bridesmaid or you may walk down solo. Do so slowly and remember to smile as there will be many pictures being taken.

At the reception, after the introductions, dances, cake cuttings, and speeches, just have fun. Make sure you check with the groom to see if he needs anything, and make sure no incidents occur. If a situation arises, try to take care of this without the bride or groom knowing, you don’t want to ruin their day. A situation like this happened at my wedding. A cousin of mine got a little too intoxicated and became unruly but my wife and I never knew because my best man and groomsmen took care of the situation. So while it may spoil your evening a bit, remember it’s not about you, its about them.

And after all the fun is over, don’t forget to return your tux the next day.

  

A Wedding Guide for Guys: Part I

Wedding Guide for Guys: Part I

Growing up women dream about their wedding days. They think of all the details, from flower colors, to centerpieces, to the dress and everything in between. As a guy growing up, we think about sports, cars, women and rock and roll (not in any particular order). Its these differences between men and women that can make the wedding day (and whole planning process) a stressful situation.

As a man you can be involved in weddings in multiple ways. You can simply be a guest, where you simply show up and have a good time. You could be a usher, and help guide guest to their seats and help the groom stay calm. You could be the best man, who’s responsibility is to help out the groom in any way possible, from getting him drinks, to tipping the vendors. And lastly, as the groom, you are there to help fulfill your soon to be wives dreams, profess your love and commitment and to do whatever is necessary to make sure this days is as special as she always imagined it would be. (You could also be a father but I have no experience in that category)

I have been involved in many weddings, in all the roles I previously mentioned. The following is a guide to a man’s responsibility when attending a wedding.

(Please note that these are simply one man’s opinion. I have not done any research or conducted any studies on the following, I’m married how would I have time for that?) 

The Guest

As an invited guest, you are important to the couple. And while you will not play a role in the ceremony, you should make sure you show up on time and look presentable. You should be honored to be invited, as the couple most likely had to decide who to invite and who not to, and you made the cut. That does mean something as deciding who should and shouldn’t come is a stressful and sometimes argumentative process.

As for a gift, it varies from wedding to wedding. You can bring an actual gift, but more times than not these days, a card with money usually is better. It is easier for the couple to grab a box of cards after the wedding than having to pack up a bunch of gifts, especially if they are leaving on their honeymoon the day after.

As for a monetary value, the rule of thumb tends to be about the cost of a plate (typically anywhere between $75-$125) per person. Use your judgment based upon the couple and the wedding. If you are not on a budget, you can always give whatever you can afford. Or if you can’t afford anything at the time, give them a card and write a note telling them that you did not forget about a gift and that you will give them it at a later time. You typically have a year after the wedding day to give a gift. And if they are mad at you for not giving a gift, then they are not worthy of your friendship.

And lastly, have fun. The couple is spending a lot of money on this party (I mean wedding) and want their guest to have fun!

Please check back next week on a man’s role as an usher.

Siberian Wedding

Just reading about this wedding made me cold! I am already not a huge fan of cold weather having already lived most of my life in New England. This is, in my view, going to extremes. It does, however, look like a wonderful wedding that I am sure created lasting memories. Take a look at this link found on chabad.org that includes a caption and some pictures of the exciting day of this Siberian Jewish Wedding.